One of the most difficult questions families face is when to consider memory care for a loved one living with Alzheimer’s or another form of dementia. It’s a question that rarely has a clear answer. Often, it comes after a series of small but worrying moments — a forgotten meal, a misplaced medication, or a late-night phone call because Mom can’t remember where she is. Each of these moments may seem minor on its own, but together they begin to paint a picture that it might be time for more support.

As a physician who has worked closely with seniors and families, I’ve seen how the transition to memory care, when done thoughtfully, can bring peace and stability to everyone involved. Many families wait until there’s a crisis — a fall, a hospital visit, or the realization that a loved one is unsafe alone. But memory care works best when it’s a proactive decision, made while your loved one can still participate in the process and adjust to their new environment with comfort and dignity.

The need for memory care is often signaled not only by changes in the person living with memory loss but also by the growing exhaustion of their caregivers. Spouses and adult children often do everything they can — sometimes sacrificing their own health in the process. I’ve spoken with many families who feel torn between love and guilt, unsure when to seek help. Recognizing that caring for someone with dementia is more than a one-person job isn’t failure — it’s compassion in action.

Memory care is far more than a place to live. It’s a philosophy of care designed specifically for people with cognitive decline, blending safety, purpose, and connection. By engaging evidence-based principles of lifestyle and wellness medicine, memory care can support brain health, reduce stress, and help residents live with purpose and joy. The goal is to nurture both body and mind through daily practices that promote movement, connection, and calm — creating an environment where residents can thrive rather than simply be cared for.

Families are often surprised by how quickly their loved ones settle once they move into a supportive community. There’s a sense of relief when meals are shared, medications are managed, and compassionate care is always nearby. Residents begin to smile again, engage in activities, and rediscover small joys that had been lost in the confusion of daily life at home.

Deciding to move a loved one into memory care is never easy, but waiting too long can make the transition harder. Visiting communities early, asking questions, and learning about their philosophy of care can remove much of the fear and uncertainty. The best time to consider memory care is before it’s urgently needed — when you still have the ability to make choices calmly, rather than react during a crisis.

At its core, this decision is about love — about creating an environment where your loved one can live safely, comfortably, and with dignity. Memory care isn’t the end of independence; it’s the beginning of a new kind of support that honors who a person is and who they have always been.

If you or someone you love is beginning to experience memory changes, know that you are not alone. There are compassionate resources and communities like Aroha Memory Care coming soon to Sonoma County, dedicated to helping families find peace of mind and purpose in every stage of the journey